I’ve been short-tempered lately, especially with my children. I told myself it’s because of self-isolation and social distancing. We’ve been inside for too long. With my husband working from home for the foreseeable future, I have nowhere to escape when I need a few minutes to myself. Even though our library is open, I can’t enjoy the quiet there because wearing a mask gives me panic attacks. The temples are still closed. I’m overwhelmed.
There are so many reasons for why my mood is suffering. But we’ve had another problem, too. Brett and I have been trying to receive inspiration and revelation about our future, but I haven’t been able to focus. We haven’t been on the same page. Life is at a standstill.
Saturday, an impression finally made it through: Read Alma 37. I had a feeling it would help with the decisions we were making and the self-doubt. That feeling was right. But another inspiration came from studying that chapter: Study the Book of Mormon personally every day.
Although I haven’t stopped reading at least a few verses from the Book of Mormon every day, my official personal study ended in March. I rationalized that reading the Come, Follow Me chapters with Brett and studying from the manual would cover the requirement. Plus, I’ve wanted to read the Old Testament again and decided to focus my personal scripture study on that. With family demands, it can be hard to study both books at the same time. It’s hard to find the Savior in the Old Testament, though. You have to really look for Him, unlike in the Book of Mormon, where He stands out on nearly every page.
I know now that studying the Book of Mormon during family scripture study is not enough. I need to be reading it personally for it to change me the way I need to be changed, for me to be the best version of myself.
Having read Alma 37 Saturday morning, I was able to see the impact it had on my day. I was happier. I felt peace. My patience didn’t run out before lunchtime. I put down the things I’ve been using to escape and spent time with my children. Sunday was the same. Today, too.
I thought that my testimony of the Book of Mormon was as strong as it could get. I know differently now. There will still be times when I slip and lose my patience or have a day when I feel sad for no reason. But I’m grateful for the reminder that, by studying the Book of Mormon for myself, I can gain the strength I need to make it through the hard times. I also know that the Lord will remind me of that as often as He needs to.